i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Randomize