i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
