and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
