Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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