he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Swine flu is the new snow day.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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