I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
did i walk over a car last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
