also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
