Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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