You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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