the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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