I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
