And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize