the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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