at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize