I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he thought i was a dude.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
