I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No offense, but I donβt think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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