At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My feet surprised me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
