hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
