I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
