i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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