I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize