We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
