i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
