Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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