roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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