Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
