Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
