I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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