dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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