WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
