There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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