I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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