I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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