you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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