I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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