beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
