i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
