first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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