he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
