sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
