I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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