three words: i give head
three words: not that well
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
