we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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