I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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