That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
