what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize