So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
