On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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