Pappa wants mamma naked
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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