anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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