Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
