Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
