Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
