i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
