Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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