his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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