I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
