oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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