note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
