my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
