I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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