he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
